What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
