Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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