Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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