I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
