When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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