I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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