What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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