Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
