If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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