just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize