In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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