Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
