he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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