there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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