Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
