I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
