Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
