I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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