Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
