Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
