your parents love me but you hate me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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