wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
