Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
