he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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