She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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