First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize