Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
