Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
