You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
