paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
