she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
sex in a hospital.. check
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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