I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
