So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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