You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
