shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Then you guys just all showered together...?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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