eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
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she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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