i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
