Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
