were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
