I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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