Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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