I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
