I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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