I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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