Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
