you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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