So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize