I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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