btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
