I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
