me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
