mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
