capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
