apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
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I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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