I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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