Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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