you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize