Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
