i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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