New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
