I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
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You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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