my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
