I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
