Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just pee around me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
